Road Trip

Road trips are the perfect way for me to get some thinking in and clear my head and that's exactly what I did last week. It was exactly what I needed. Driving to the destination is always fun, but the drive home...not so much. 

Obligatory selfie.  What else am I supposed to do when I'm bored?!

Here are a few of the things I came up with during my drive...

"Had me in the palm of your hand
Man, why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in
Stay, hey, now you say you want it
Back, now that it's just too late
Well could've been easy, all you had to do was stay..."

"But I don't know what to say
I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made..."

"Now we got problems
And I don't think we can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And baby now we got bad blood..."

"Rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That's when I could finally breathe..."

"This love left a permanent mark
This love is glowing in the dark
These hands had to let it go free
And this love came back to me..."

"Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes
You say sorry just for show
You live like that, you live with ghosts..."

Or...Maybe I indulged in Taylor Swift's new album on repeat and these lyrics haven't quite escaped my mind yet. Guilty pleasure for sure.

And as I drug myself in to work today I was greeted with these two gems on my desk...

I absolutely love the people I work with.

You.

See ya later, Texas. ✌️

Escape

Running was never something I truly enjoyed until about 6 years ago and then it became my escape from the real world. When I run I don't think about what's going on at work. I don't think about my personal life. I just go blank. Running numbs my mind and I love it. 

I've even missed going to the gym so it has made its way back in to my weekly routine with my favorite workout buddies. 

My workouts the last 2 days have definitely been the highlight of the day. I haven't decided if I want a do-over for this week or if I'm just ready for it to be over with. I'll be honest. I have been an absolute monster It has sucked. 2 weeks to go until my getaway and a relaxing weekend with my favorite things. I can not wait. 

Until then I'll hope for more days like this...

And....the last explains why I have to workout. ❤️

Free yourself

I'm a work in progress and I'm okay with that. I'm working on the whole "free yourself" thing and it feels good to let things happen. No control. No pressure. 

In the mean time I've seen a whole lot of this...

And a little bit of this... 

Life is good. ❤️

a different point of view

"The more you try to control something, the more it controls you. Free yourself. Let things take their own natural course."

 

A friend sent that to me a few days ago and it really hit home. 

Life seems to have a crazy way of working itself out. New jobs, new friendships, new weight (oops), new goals, new plan, same friends, same town, same basic routines. Basically the same life with a different point of view. That makes me happy.

I've spent a lot of time over the last few years trying to figure out my happiness. Not necessarily my happiness with others, but happiness with myself. I feel like I've always been somewhat of an independent person. I take care of myself. I'm okay with making my own decisions. I'm proud of the decisions I make for myself. Do I always make the best decisions? ehhhhh. not so much. Are there things I wish I could have a do-over for? absolutely. I'm learning. I'm a work in progress. I'm working on letting things go.

This is an extremely random post. I realize that. 

For the first time in a while I feel at peace with myself. I'm happy with my decisions and I feel like I'm working on the whole "free yourself" thing.

Baby steps.

Sooo....last Thursday I made up my mind about some things. Some changes I want to make. Some things I want to stop running from. The things I want in my life. I made a list of all of the things I want and made a promise to myself that I will go after what I want. I didn't go to work Friday. I got in the car and drove. I drove to the thing that makes me the happiest. The thing that makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. The thing that makes everything okay.  The thing that makes me feel like me. No filter. No hiding. It was the most fun, easy going, genuinely happy weekend I have had in a really long time. I needed the weekend. I needed it to remember.

I usually have a million pictures of every random thing I do. This weekend was different. I made it home with two. Sunday morning. two people. 6 biscuits. 4 pieces of bacon. 2 poached eggs. scrambled eggs. a piece of ham. hash browns. pancakes. and some other kind of sausage.

And this. My college bff, that lives in Houston, was 10 minutes down the highway from me in Dallas visiting her man so we couldn't pass up an opportunity to squeeze in an hour of reminiscing and laughing about the old days.  

 

I'm so thankful for this weekend.

I'm thankful for feeling alive again.

 I'm thankful for my family that loves me unconditionally.

I'm thankful for my friends that support my ridiculousness.

I'm thankful for the people who don't give up on me.

Im thankful for this life. 

I'm thankful for this point of view.

 

Goodbyes

i hate the sound that goodbye makes.

the unknown.

the finality.

the end of a chapter.

the deafening silence.

the sound that goodbye makes is by far my least favorite sound.

Thirty things @ 30.

thirty years. i'm embracing it. these are a few things i've learned.

1. be open to people. not everyone is out to get you. not everyone has a hidden agenda.

2. hitting up a drive through EVERY morning to and from work will help you gain 60 pounds in a hurry.

3. forgive those who have hurt you in the past. but more than this, forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you.

4. you can tell what's important by what gets prioritized.

5.  life long friends an invaluable.

6. i'd socialize, but it gets in the way of just being at home and doing what I want.

7. basketball is my mental escape.

8. not everyone has the same heart you do.

9. "there's a certain age where you can no longer use the term "good girl gone bad". it's more like "her old ass should know better".

10. Trust your gut. It's almost always right.

11. Sometimes, sometimes you find someone who loves you for you.

12. trust love. don't be prepared with a back up plan just in case. that is not love. that is one foot out the door setting yourself up for heartache.

13. running, going to the gym and not eating everything in sight will give you confidence and not so snug pants.

14. "you may not be the best teacher ever, but you are....like my mom said when a grown up is talking to you loud you thank they being mean to you but yall teaching us a lesson."

15. "don't say it's over 'cause that's the worst news i could hear. i swear that i will do my best to be here. just the way you like it, even though it's hard to hide. push my feelings aside. i will rearrange my plans and change for you"

16. never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

17. it is ALWAYS a good day to have a good day.

18. surround yourself with good people.

19. i can't change others but i can change how i approach them.

20. working with kids has made me a better person. it has taught me to have patience, to be compassionate, and to be understanding.

21. "ms. wilson, i don't know why you're sad but your hugs always make me feel better so i'm going to give you a hug, and i hope it makes you feel better like it does me.

22. paying bills is for the birds.

23. im independent. i can take care of myself.

24. it can't rain forever...that I am sure of.

25. i have become a morning person. i willingly get up at 4:30 am to go to the gym. i also willingly get in bed at 8:30 pm.

26. family is everything.

27. don't be scared. you live and you learn, but still...trust your gut.

28. "life can change directions, even when you ain't planned it. all you can do is handle it. worst thing you can do it panic."

29. treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are.

30. i am good enough.